i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
