god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do you still have your period?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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