I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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