I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
