I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
