If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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