So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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