remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
