if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
