Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
