Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
