I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
