I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
