Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
