what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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