so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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