Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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