I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
it's like iHOP with fire
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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