You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
