I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
