Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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