tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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