Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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