how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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