i think my tv is drunk
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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