You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
