Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
