remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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