my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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