omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
