Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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