First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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