I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
