so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
