your thong is hanging out like whoa
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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