My hand turned me down
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
