This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
