i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
