You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
