I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
