Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
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