Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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