We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
