He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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