just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
