spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
