I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
