how can u be prego again
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
