Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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