we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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