you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
