drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
